letter from Max to Baby: how to be a MacGregor

Okay kid, listen up. I'm about to offer you some valuable advice here only because Mom promised me a belly rub.  

Here's what you need to know to be a MacGregor because that's what you'll be when you finally decide to get here. 

First things first:  you need to know about Mom and Dad.  Dad is a total pushover.  When Mom is gone Dad lets me sleep in their room and once he even let me sleep on the bed with him.  Then when Mom came home and found my hair all over her side of the bed she kind of flipped out.  Lucky for me Dad got the heat.  So basically if you want to get away with anything don't go to Mom.

Oh Mom will probably talk about sending you back to the place you came from if you poop or pee inside unless its on the pile of Dad's clothes he's left on the floor for a week. In that case she just laughs and tells Dad he should have picked them up.  She might even rub your tummy and say good boy. 

 
 I'll be in charge of chasing off the birds.  I think i'll let you be in charge of  lizard patrol, which brings up my next item on the agenda.  The old lady's cats like to come into my backyard and chase my lizards. Your job is to make sure I know so I can chase them back to their maker.

You'll probably get to sleep in Mom and Dad's room while you're little and helpless and cute but don't count on that lasting.  They'll kick you out as soon as they notice you snoring or licking your butt.  I'll save a warm place for you in my crate.

Oh, Aunt Lorie's toes are mine and I'm Dad's favorite. You can have Mom but Dad is mine; back off.

It's a pretty good life, just remember who's top dog and we'll get along fine.

 

Max